it is so late at night. i can't stop thinking.

i want to talk to people, random people, and have deeper conversations than ive had with friends i've known for years, because i don't know if it is possible to explain myself to those who already know me; unless they simply understand, i am lost...so horrible at expressing but constantly needing to.
i want to stay up all night talking under the stars, never needing to think of something to say to fill in conversation gaps, but constantly thinking.
i want to stare into eyes that will stare back just as intently.
i want to know about you, about them, about me, about everything and everyone and nothing.
i want to understand.


the contours of your lying lips are smooth and blended with a brush meant for beauty
my fingers grasp for air as yours vaporize in the spaces meant to fit
and all the time the sun is whispering to the clouds what they are meant to be
as it turns out, everything was meant to be but nobody knows.
we're all guessing blindly, sounding philosophical about the world that we create.


does anybody know what is going on?

i am not poetic.
i can hardly speak a coherent sentence.
but i love poetry because i love trying to understand people, and my heart is an old fashioned tape reel of sporadic, but beautiful, feelings that just keep turning.
do i make sense?
i hope i do
to someone
somewhere
even if i never know.

you fill me with acid that eats away at my bones and i smile.
would you like a fatal kiss? because your eyes have always suggested it
and always turned me down. i'm hoping that when i disintegrate you will kiss the ashes
and i will rise like a phoenix without tears. i dried those in my fire of rebirth for good.
molded beautifully, or at the very least more completely than before.
i couldn't hear my bones snap, i could only feel the pain.
you stood by and watched me writhe and laugh and with a gasping breath,
the last of that kind, whisper the most sincere thank you your ear ever received.


i never needed you.